all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
God I need to hump something, right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
