Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
