Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
