I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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