Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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