if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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