Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
