She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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