I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
