FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
