Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
