Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
