it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
