how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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