sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
