You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
