Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
