im drinking this country out of the recession.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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