I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Everything about him screamed your future.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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