Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
