Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
