No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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