apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
