the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
