I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
