Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
