The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
