at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
