I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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