my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
