I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
