Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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