i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
