Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
