Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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