This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
