You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
