My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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