One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
pray to the hookup gods
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
