I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
