FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
