I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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