these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
