What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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