Cold hands, warm shart.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
