If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
