Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
