all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
