sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
