She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
