I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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